"LONELINESS"
Aug. 21st, 2012 02:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ginbeanNotes: Written in response to the "North takes walks at night to calm Theta down" revelation.
It’s the silence that scares him.
The silence that never ends and the unchanging vitals. On his good nights, he can wait for that occasional blip in heart rate as North’s body responds to stimulus from his dreams but those signals are few and far between and only leave him wanting more.
So, like a child who feels bad but is too emotionally stressed to hold out, he calls out North’s name. The first night it happens, it takes North a moment to adjust. To understand that this urgency he’s feeling isn’t his own and to unwrap his finger from the trigger of the gun he always keeps close to hand.
“Theta?” He calls back after a moment, voice slurred but clearing with every blink. He’s been trained to handle on-the-fly situations and this scenario has very much the same feel to it.
“Sorry…” His A.I. begins, voice hesitant and shy. Something North had thought they’d gotten past already, at least with him.
“It’s no problem.” North begins, smothering a yawn and forcibly shoving down any irritation he has at being woken up. Something that’s hard when you have to hide it from your own mind… but he’s had years of practice thanks to another impossible child. “What’s up?”
“… it’s scary.” He begins softly, intimidated by that first blip of annoyance. However, when there’s no surge of anger in North’s emotional patterns, he feels emboldened. “The dark, I mean. Nothing moves and everything’s completely still. It’s like... nothing’s alive.”
‘The monster in the dark.’ North thinks automatically, feeling this is how a parent must feel when a child comes to their room crying about nightmares and monsters in closets. The only problem is that Theta doesn’t have a body he can hold close and put an arm around to comfort.
“There’s a monster in the darkness?” Theta suddenly asks, voice alarmed. North swears softly underbreath. Hiding from his own mind is going to take a lot of practice.
“Nah, it’s just a saying. There’s no monster.” He says quickly, trying to soothe the startled A.I. “Do you want to talk until you’ve calmed down?”
“No… it’s okay. I know you’re tired. I’ll just think of something else.”
Or so he says.
Ten minutes later, North can tell Theta hasn’t calmed down. If anything, he’s gotten more agitated, which in turn makes North more restless. Finally, the freelancer kicks back his sheets and sets his feet onto the cold floor of his quarters.
“North?” Theta’s voice drifts back and North reflexively smiles, even though Theta doesn’t need the expression to know what he’s feeling.
“I feel like taking a walk.” He lies and stands up. Either he’s successfully hidden that one from Theta, or the A.I. is so relieved that he doesn’t call him out on it.
Either way, they make it work.
---
Every night following, whenever Theta can’t take the stillness any longer and calls out, North always responds. There are nights when he’s exasperated and nights when he understands in equal parts, but he always responds. And on every single one of those nights, North would climb to his feet, pull on a shirt and slip on some shoes before heading out into the halls of the Mother of Invention.
Sometimes they would run into other freelancers and Theta would get to listen to their conversations. Others, it would be just them wandering the corridors and looking out into space on the observation deck for hours on end until Theta eventually felt safe enough to withdraw from North’s mind and slip into standby mode. Only then would North go to sleep, even if they had an early mission.
It was just one of the sacrifices the freelancer had to make for his tiny, insecure charge.
And Theta loved him for it.
---
The silence terrified him.
No matter how many times he called, North didn’t respond. His vitals didn’t change. He called and called and called, voice rising in volume, and not once did the stillness change.
“Don’t be scared, my brother.” A voice whispers to him as a tall figure blots out the sun and covers him in darkness. “I’m here for you.”
And Theta knew there had always been a monster in the darkness.
[weeps brokenly]
It’s the silence that scares him.
The silence that never ends and the unchanging vitals. On his good nights, he can wait for that occasional blip in heart rate as North’s body responds to stimulus from his dreams but those signals are few and far between and only leave him wanting more.
So, like a child who feels bad but is too emotionally stressed to hold out, he calls out North’s name. The first night it happens, it takes North a moment to adjust. To understand that this urgency he’s feeling isn’t his own and to unwrap his finger from the trigger of the gun he always keeps close to hand.
“Theta?” He calls back after a moment, voice slurred but clearing with every blink. He’s been trained to handle on-the-fly situations and this scenario has very much the same feel to it.
“Sorry…” His A.I. begins, voice hesitant and shy. Something North had thought they’d gotten past already, at least with him.
“It’s no problem.” North begins, smothering a yawn and forcibly shoving down any irritation he has at being woken up. Something that’s hard when you have to hide it from your own mind… but he’s had years of practice thanks to another impossible child. “What’s up?”
“… it’s scary.” He begins softly, intimidated by that first blip of annoyance. However, when there’s no surge of anger in North’s emotional patterns, he feels emboldened. “The dark, I mean. Nothing moves and everything’s completely still. It’s like... nothing’s alive.”
‘The monster in the dark.’ North thinks automatically, feeling this is how a parent must feel when a child comes to their room crying about nightmares and monsters in closets. The only problem is that Theta doesn’t have a body he can hold close and put an arm around to comfort.
“There’s a monster in the darkness?” Theta suddenly asks, voice alarmed. North swears softly underbreath. Hiding from his own mind is going to take a lot of practice.
“Nah, it’s just a saying. There’s no monster.” He says quickly, trying to soothe the startled A.I. “Do you want to talk until you’ve calmed down?”
“No… it’s okay. I know you’re tired. I’ll just think of something else.”
Or so he says.
Ten minutes later, North can tell Theta hasn’t calmed down. If anything, he’s gotten more agitated, which in turn makes North more restless. Finally, the freelancer kicks back his sheets and sets his feet onto the cold floor of his quarters.
“North?” Theta’s voice drifts back and North reflexively smiles, even though Theta doesn’t need the expression to know what he’s feeling.
“I feel like taking a walk.” He lies and stands up. Either he’s successfully hidden that one from Theta, or the A.I. is so relieved that he doesn’t call him out on it.
Either way, they make it work.
---
Every night following, whenever Theta can’t take the stillness any longer and calls out, North always responds. There are nights when he’s exasperated and nights when he understands in equal parts, but he always responds. And on every single one of those nights, North would climb to his feet, pull on a shirt and slip on some shoes before heading out into the halls of the Mother of Invention.
Sometimes they would run into other freelancers and Theta would get to listen to their conversations. Others, it would be just them wandering the corridors and looking out into space on the observation deck for hours on end until Theta eventually felt safe enough to withdraw from North’s mind and slip into standby mode. Only then would North go to sleep, even if they had an early mission.
It was just one of the sacrifices the freelancer had to make for his tiny, insecure charge.
And Theta loved him for it.
---
The silence terrified him.
No matter how many times he called, North didn’t respond. His vitals didn’t change. He called and called and called, voice rising in volume, and not once did the stillness change.
“Don’t be scared, my brother.” A voice whispers to him as a tall figure blots out the sun and covers him in darkness. “I’m here for you.”
And Theta knew there had always been a monster in the darkness.
[weeps brokenly]